an Apology

An Apology

I think that I am now starting to pull out of culture shock. I believe that I was very much in a completely different state of mind- it made good for photographs, as things that were different and I was very interested… but now cows in the street are just annoying. I wish to apologies for being quite preachy- both on this blog and on facebook…. This should not have happened- it is not my place to teach, but to share what I see and what I experience.

I believe that the culture shock of seeing great poverty made me appear to be quite the humanitarian- I saw the starving children and felt great shame and self disgust for my wealth- and in that, I felt some disgust for all of us Canadians. I received a few emails that were very gracious and very guiding- the first one was from an old friend from Barrie- he encouraged me to remember that the gospel and evangelism is of course- so much more important than prolonging earthly lives here. This sparked thought, though I was still very much in shock. The second email came from a camp friend; again I read this with numb eyes and a numb mind. It was not until I was in the shower a few minutes later, that I felt a blessing of great understanding- this world is not supposed to be rosy and happy, this is a fallen world- it is very clear that any man woman or child needs Jesus before they need food- what use is prolonging their earthly suffering- if they will end up in Hell. I must give the Gospel, before being a humanitarian…. God is compassionate, he is a God of justice and mercy, and he tells us to love everyone. When I look at the person suffering because of poverty or illness my heart breaks. I feel great love for these people, I must give them the greatest gift, the gospel, as well as whatever else I can do for them- I must not share about the greatest love and grace that ever has been shown- without showing love. Thank you for being patient and gracious with me as I went through this adjustment… God is blessing me with great understanding, especially about the filling and the work of the Holy Spirit. Though I have read nothing new, or heard any new information- God has blessed me with a better understanding of the spirit. He has shown me that I am hindering it from thriving within me by not fully dying to self… I am hanging on to many things of my old nature- please join me in praying that these things will be gone from my life…. He is showing me a better understanding of the Gospel, where it started in the garden- when he made Adam and said “this is good” I am seeing so much that we are not normal- we are fallen and broken, and only in Christ can we be normal- when God lives through us we are as God intended us to be…. As Major Ian Thomas puts it: “the car needs gas, the lamp needs oil, and the human needs God” without him we malfunction…

I wish to apologies again for being preachy in past blog posts… I must not presume to be a teacher…. But as God works through me, I will post candidly about it- as I believe that as I learn from him- you may gain from hearing about it…

Please be gracious with me- understand that I will make many mistakes. I wish to always be gracious and loving to you- but I am human, I am stupid- and my only hope is Christ in me, made possible by the payment of my ransom on that cross.