Candid

God is teaching me so many things, in such a short period of time. I have begun to recognize the process in which He will teach me something… In Canada, I would chase after the Christian “high” all felt right, as the presence of God is felt very clearly… when this feeling would leave, I would panic- I would be so worried “what did I do?!” and so I would chase that good feeling…. How arrogant I was to expect God to want me to feel good… he has so much more for me than that- I recognize that as I bring request before the Lord: make me humble, less proud, thankful, straighten my priorities…  he answers these prayers- as promised. The process of these prayers being answered can feel like a separation- the joy comes when I see their completion- or progress…. It is wrong for me to expect this good feeling all the time- or more importantly, it is wrong for me to think that God has changed- that he’s left me… so God has blessed me, he has shown me this knowledge- when I feel no connection, still I will read my bible… still I will pray…. Now I have come to realize- that I do way too much self analyzing. I am a slave to sin, why would I analyze something that is condemned to death- I must focus my eyes on my Father in heaven, and him alone.

A lesson I am learning… allow me to be candid

It is easy for us to have plans… we think we are right. Our plan is an orphan home, the need is great- and the construction is underway, but it is built on debt… debt that must be paid in 3 days. We sit at just over $500 dollars… on a massive debt. We have prayed and fasted, we have begged God for mercy, for provision…

But the first due date was Wednesday- I woke up that morning, and truly expected that the money would be sitting on the doorstep, or in my bank account, but no…. nothing…

So we were very disappointed, very stressed…. The debt is not mine, but Vijay’s so he is much more stressed- he is not eating, is not sleeping… can hardly think

I am realizing a small lesson in faith… we trust in God’s character, not our circumstances… no he has not given us the money, but that does not change that he loves us, cares for us- and wants the best for us… he has not followed our plan… but he does of course- have a much better plan. Faith must is not trusting him to follow our plans, but trusting him to be God, to be good and merciful.

So we look to him with adoration for his great mercy… we are motivated by his grace, and we wait for his plan… whatever happens will be the best, as our God is sovereign.